Friday, September 28, 2018

A lovely summer and a not so lovely fall

I had a good summer. Quiet summer. I stayed home, I grew a garden, I walked my dog at the Reservoir almost every day. Usually there are two houses full of fairly noisy students next door to me and across the street, but this summer one house was empty because it is up for sale and the other house was empty because the owner wanted to do some cleanup (students are hard on the houses they live in). So it really was quiet. I know this will probably not be the case next summer so I thought this was a chance to enjoy it. It was, I did.

The first week in September I and four friends kayak-camped in Kejimkujik Park. We had near perfect weather and a very good time. There was one cold and windy day, we hunkered down for most of that day but the rest was perfect sunny warm weather. We arrived back at Jake's Landing tired but happy around 5.00pm on the last day. After emptying our kayaks and packing everything into three cars we went to a nearby restaurant for supper before heading home. I had left Hapi with a dogsitter and while she was happy to see me she was not frantic; the dogsitter had clearly taken good care of her.

I expected to be tired afterwards, we've been doing this trip annually for many years and the older I get the more tired I am at the end of it. I had one full day to get everything dried out and packed away before a day of rain hit. That was okay, everything went according to plan. But on the third day, when I expected to be more or less recovered, I was completely felled. Spent most of the day in bed, had a frozen soup for supper, went back to bed. Pretty sure I had a fever but my thermometer was broken so I could only go by how I felt.

It's been two weeks since then. I am not better. The fever was shortlived but the fatigue and brain fog have settled in for a good long stay. I am pretty sure this is ME/CFS. I had it at least once before, in 2000/2001, so I know what if feels like. Of course it is one of those things that only get diagnosed by process of elimination (not this, not that, not the other thing) and most protocols state that you have to have it for at least 6 months before it's official (one website said because it's the only disease that causes symptoms to last that long, but they didn't say what other diseases cause those symptoms for less than 6 months).

The first time I had it, it did only last 6 months and I thought I was cured. My doctor was sceptical and urged me to be extremely careful about resuming a normal level of activity. I thought I was careful. Every time I came down with something that caused a fever (usually a 'flu) I'd panic, but was always relieved that it really was 'just the flu'.

I think I might have had a relapse in 2011, but I can't be sure, and I don't know how long it lasted. At the time I did not have a GP, I went to an after-hours clinic and the doctor on duty ordered blood tests. She gave me a copy of the results which were all normal so there was no follow-up. I still have that copy and that's all the evidence I have that anything happened then. I remember the doctor and the blood work but nothing else. My blog makes no mention of it.

I don't know if this is a relapse or a totally new instance. I tried looking up CFS relapse, but there's nothing out there to suggest a 10 or 18 year remission between episodes. The first episode did not last more than 6 months so technically, it was not ME/CFS (although my doctor was certain that it was). I have not seen a doctor this time around. My doctor now is a half hour drive on the highway away and I don't trust myself to drive that far. I don't know whether he is willing to believe that ME/CFS exists or not, whether he will take me seriously or not. It seems like a long way to go to find out he is not. Maybe times have changed, maybe it's no longer a question but it certainly was back in 2000.

In 2000 someone recommended that I see a homeopath, which I did. Since I had something that I could barely get a diagnosis for and there was certainly no treatment for, I wasn't going to quibble about whether homeopathy works or not. Anyway this guy prescribed a bunch of stuff, I saw him several times and on the last visit he pronounced me cured. At the time I certainly didn't feel cured but apparently he was right. Normal life resumed, at first gingerly but after a year or so I got used to being normal again. Slightly less energetic, a lot more cautious, but well within the range of normal.

So I was thinking about seeing a homeopath again, there's one in town who is recommended by those who have been to her. But I visited her website and there was a form she wants you to fill in before your first appointment and just reading the form was daunting. I don't think I have the energy or the brainpower to do it, any more than to drive on the highway to see the doctor.

In the morning I get out of bed and dressed so I can take Hapi for her walk. The rest of the day I force myself to not go back to bed. All I can think about though is how nice it would be to sleep. Then at night I finally go to bed and I'm still thinking how nice it would be to sleep. All night long. Sometimes I actually do sleep.

Crap crap crap.

1 comment:

Joared said...

Hope you’ll be feeling better ‘ere long. You need to avoid having some medical issue that can’t be easily diagnosed and treated, but I don’t know how to do that. Some spectacular scenes in your photos.