Friday, September 18, 2009

Down

I am descending into depression. I don't know if it is chemical or circumstantial, but it's been coming on for about a week now. I've been trying to resist but at this point I think it's futile, I'm there. You know, that place where you realize that you are an utter failure as a human being. And before you hit the Comment button, there is no point arguing the point or giving me pep talks or whatever, I am at this stage quite impervious to that. I don't want to hear it.

The depression is hovering at that brink between anger and despair, so it gives me a bunch of energy. On the upside I can haul a heck of a lot of firewood with that energy, on the downside it keeps me awake most of the night. I know that a short while ago I actually posted something called "Joy", I see that post and wonder what alter ego came up with that. Good grief.

I have this bizarre sense of humour that I can actually make a joke of this, but I assure you that is not what it feels like. Utter failure as a human being is more like it. Oh and then the inner dialogue accompanying all this. That is not pretty, not pretty at all. Suffice to say, I'm not the only utter failure around and I've got plenty of evidence to prove it. The world is a very evil place right now.

1 comment:

Tamara said...

Hey - your post just popped up in my feed reader. Just wanted to say you are in my thoughts.

(BTW, I'm really impressed with your outhouse project.)

Tamara